Marriage Classes worksheet 003

Step 3: Recognize Emotional Triggers Emotional triggers are what frequently fuels many of our conflicts. Our spouse says something and it triggers an insecurity inside of us that causes us to react. That in turn causes our spouse to get triggered by something else and things continue to escalate. Communication skills are important, but you’ll never get to some of the true issues until you get to the emotional triggers. Understanding those filters make it easier to be compassionate and to have empathy for your partner. If you understand that you are reacting that way because that’s the way your dad reacted, then you can be softer and choose better ways to communicate. Messages from Our Childhood Messages from our childhood influence how we think and feel. They act like land mines for us. Jim and Lori seemed to never be able to get along. Jim thought that Lori would blow up at the smallest things and Lori felt that Jim was ignoring her. Lori had a big aha moment. Her father left when she was young. Ever since that time, she was afraid of rejection. When she felt rejected, it would trigger all the feelings she had as a young girl. When she explained this to Jim, it helped Jim to not feel blamed by Lori. It has helped to rebuild their connection. As mentors, you can have a big impact on a couple just by asking some simple questions. We have seen couples have some very deep insights. These insights have had a positive impact on their connection to their spouse. It enables the couple to focus on how to build their bond over tear it down. Questions to ask:  What filters do you have that are causing emotional triggers?  What would help you to feel safer with your spouse?  How do you react when your spouse expresses emotions?  Do you resort to logic to calm emotional encounters? What's the impact on your spouse?

Thanks,

Monique Velasquez